Polygamy in America

From the show Polygamy in America: Lisa Ling Reports The Oprah Winfrey Show

It is very rare for a polygamist man to speak publicly about his relationships, but Richard, a successful businessman who lives in Centennial Park with his three wives, agrees to let Lisa visit his home because he says he wants to show the world another side to polygamy. "I'll just come out and tell you, I feel very blessed — this lifestyle is wonderful," he says. "We bring these women into the home and they are treated incredibly. They have every convenience and every single thing that can be provided for them. So it's a very mutual relationship." What kind of role does love play in Richard's marriages? "Love plays a huge role, and it plays a role in each one of my marriages," Richard says. "I love these ladies." As far as sleeping arrangements go, Richard says he sleeps in his bedroom and his wives each have their own bedroom. "My options aren't for gratification of my lusts," he says. "The activities that we do together as a couple are private and we have those relationships." Richard met his first wife, Julena, in high school. Next came Tina, Julena's sister. And finally Rebecca, Richard's co-worker joined the family as the third wife. Now, the three women seem to be inseparable. Although they all love the same man, Julena says this doesn't cause any conflict between them. "We're fulfilled with other things," Julena says. "We're fulfilled with friendship." They have become so close that if anything were to ever happen to Richard, Julena says that her decision to find a new husband would include Tina and Rebecca as well. "We'd probably stay together," Julena says. Rebecca says she thinks the three wives get spoiled more than Richard does. "There are times in our lives where we're caring about each other so much, sometimes he gets forgotten. Sometimes he has to fend for himself," she says. Julena says there was no force involved in her plural marriage. "It's our choice. We wanted to," she says. And if it came to the point where they were unhappy and no longer wanted to be in a plural marriage, Julena says, "We would leave" — simple as that. Curious about Richard and his wives' sleeping arrangements in the hotel room? Richard says that he slept with one of his wives while the other two slept in a separate room. "It's not this big decision thing," Richard says. "It's kind of the way the family's going and the way it kind of works out. Certainly we have choices and we direct our life the way we want it." Richard says there is no force in the decision and his wives are intelligent women who expect Richard to be a good husband and father. "They know very much what they want, and so you've got to keep up with that," he says. Julena says she does not feel jealous when Richard picks to sleep with another wife instead of her. "I get plenty of time. I get whatever I want. My relationship with him is very special, and I get as much time as I want with him," she says. Richard says he has a unique relationship with each of his wives. "But is there a way I feel about each one? Absolutely. This isn't cattle. These are very intelligent people and they have desires and they have needs and they have wants, and so you kind of feel those things for each other." Richard, Tina, Julena and Rebecca all say they feel responsible for how their relationships are managed. "We take care of each other's needs, it's not him taking care of us," Julena says. "We're taking care of each other, the four of us." "Sometimes one of us can give somebody else a different perspective. It's almost like a counselor," Rebecca says. "You have two counselors there all the time, but someone who truly knows what you're facing, what the situation is every day." With three women in the same house, jealousy and hurt feelings seem like they would be a constant problem. Yet Richard says his wives know how to avoid those conflicts. "They have an incredible ability to space themselves throughout the home. It's not like there's women on top of each other all over the place. They're all doing different things." What if they wanted to expand the plural family to include even more wives? Julena says the entire family would discuss it first, but that she would look forward to it. "It's a blessing," she says. "This is a belief we truly believe in. It's sacred to us." While many people think plural marriage is synonymous with forced marriage, rape and child abuse, Richard says the reason he agreed to speak out—risking prosecution, since polygamy is illegal — is to open a dialogue. "This is a big step for people to look in and say, 'You know what? Yes, [plural marriage] may not be my personal choice, but it is a choice,'" Richard says. Richard says the goal he shares with his wives is to raise children with opportunities and values. They will not, he says, force them to have plural families of their own. "We are for choice, for what people want to do when it does not harm other people," he says. "We hold our children and the raising of our children and our family very sacred."

oprah.com Originally broadcast October 26, 2007

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