Carolyn Jessop seizes opportunity to leave polygamist sect
 
By EDWARD M. EVELD
The Kansas City Star
 
None of the practices seemed out of the ordinary to Carolyn Jessop. The arranged marriages. Men with two, three, four wives and dozens of children.

Jessop was a member of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. At 18, she was assigned by the religious group’s prophet to become the fourth wife of 50-year-old Merril Jessop. Soon enough she learned the true extent of what that meant for her. Forced intimacy without love. Serial pregnancies. Vying with the other wives for resources.

Finally, at 35, she plotted her escape from the sect and its small towns on the Arizona-Utah border. It was a dream she contemplated only if she also could secret away her eight children. They were ages 18 months to 15 years and included a severely disabled son.

Jessop, who lives in West Jordan, Utah, will be in Kansas City Thursday to discuss her book, "Escape." Here are excerpts from a phone conversation with her.

Q. Just to be clear, life in the FLDS was not something you chose, right?

A. The FLDS would be incredibly suspicious of anyone who wants to join. I was born into the sixth generation of polygamy. The FLDS is a way of life. The community I grew up in was incredibly isolated. There’s no frame of reference for challenging anything you’re taught.

Did you have experiences outside the community?

When I was little we lived in Salt Lake City. It was only about a year, but it was a very significant year in my life. The thing I remember the most was that it was a time my mother was happy. She was my father’s only wife in the beginning. Later he had three wives.

What were your parents like?

My mother was horribly depressed. As a child I just remember it being confusing because her moods would swing moment to moment. A woman in the FLDS was under so much pressure to have perfect children. My mother had difficult pregnancies, 13 children. She had a difficult time with the lifestyle. I don’t think she found much joy in it.

Discipline was very important. In the community that often meant physical violence. Spankings were daily with my mother. But she had a philosophy that she would never spank more than once a day.

My father I would describe as a devout believer. He was very devoted to his religion, his prophet and his God. He had a side to him that was really down to earth. He did well financially, which was unusual in the community.

Did they encourage your distrust of outsiders?

We traveled with my father at times, which gave me more exposure than others. But I was still afraid of the outside world. We were taught that every person in the outside world was evil and wanted to hurt and destroy God’s people. We made up this game called Apocalypse. We were hiding from the people who wanted to come and destroy us.

As for the practice of arranged marriage, you knew that was a foregone conclusion for you?

My grandmother used to rock me to sleep as a child with stories that I had made a covenant with God before I came to earth to marry a specific individual. And that the prophet would reveal who that was.

How did you find out about yours?

My mother pulled me out of bed at 2 in the morning. I had been up late studying for finals at a community college. People were allowed to get a college education, but women primarily were to be nurses, teachers and secretaries. I really wanted to go to school to be a doctor. I pleaded with my father. He said he would ask the prophet about it.

So she woke me up and said my father wanted to talk to me. He told me the prophet wanted me to be a teacher. That was devastating, but then it got worse. He said the prophet felt strongly that I belonged to Merril Jessop. He was 50 years old and I was 18. In the community, men did marry younger women like that, but it wasn’t that common.

Did you know him?

Merril Jessop was a prominent leader in the community, but I didn’t know him. He was a stranger. I was in a state of shock. I wasn’t ever going to be what I wanted to be, and I was to spend the rest of my life with someone three times my age. I knew I would be his possession until he died, so basically my life was gone.

And what was your relationship like?

We never had any kind of relationship. We never talked. In the marriage I never felt like anything to him other than a piece of meat. I guess the feeling I had toward him was fear. I was terrified of him. I didn’t like him. I never saw him as a good person. As far as intimacy between us, I did what I thought I had to do to survive.

But in 2003 the time was right to escape, and you did. Are there certain moments that really stand out?

There was the moment I realized I had the window I had been waiting for.

My son was home from a construction job, and I needed a time when he would be home and my husband was gone. Merril had left for Salt Lake for business. I had to put it all together that night, with $20, no gas in the van and eight kids who wouldn’t have come with me had they known.

It was 4:30 in the morning. Someone came over the intercom that Merril wanted to talk to me on the phone. (Apparently another wife called him.) I knew they were onto me.

I thought I had everybody in the van, but Betty had gone back. I had to struggle with what to do. Do I go back and risk none of us making it? Or do I save seven and leave one. As a mother, you can’t leave one of your children behind.

You got them all out, but Betty was adamant that you were doing wrong.

I was taking her brothers and sisters and her to hell, and she was not going to be a party to that. The mind control is very severe. Betty went back (to the community later), which has been a tragedy. I still have a lot of hope for her. She’s a very talented, creative, beautiful person. And very strong.

What are your hopes in telling your story?

I spent 31/2 years pulling our lives together — how to fit in, how to get my children adjusted, working through the moment-by-moment crises.

There won’t be help for those who want to leave this lifestyle unless people become aware of the mind control there is and the kind of help you need.

And children should have their constitutional rights protected. It’s my hope that people will say that it’s not OK that this is happening in our country and that these children deserve protection.

MEET THE AUTHOR

What: Discussion and book-signing with Carolyn Jessop, co-author with Laura Palmer of "Escape"

When: 7 p.m. Thursday

Where: Unity Temple on the Plaza, 707 W. 47th St.

Cost: $14.95 plus tax, includes one admission and a softcover copy of the book from Rainy Day Books

Details: 913-384-3126; www.rainydaybooks.com

To reach Edward M. Eveld call 816-234-4442 or send e-mail to eeveld@kcstar.com.
 
KansasCity.com
Originally published January 19, 2009
 
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