New HBO drama proves unititiated should not judge polygamy by popular conceptions
 
By Nick Mokey
Daily Orange - Syracuse, NY
 
The star of HBO's new drama "Big Love" truly lives the American Dream. He owns a chain of hardware stores, drives a brand new SUV, lives in an upper class suburb and when he gets home, he has a beautiful wife there waiting for him. And another wife. And another wife.

In anticipation of the show, all sorts of objections were raised to HBO's risqué venture outside the bounds of monogamy. Critics of polygamy worried it would glorify the lifestyle. Advocates worried it would misrepresent them. Mormons wanted to distance themselves from it entirely, having officially given up the practice in 1890.

To those without a deep understanding of the practice of polygamy, it may not be clear why such strong opinions exist on both sides of the debate. After all, the first episode of "Big Love" ended up painting a picture of polygamy that is so painfully normal, it was almost tedious to watch. The question raised is whether polygamous relationships are inherently abusive, or if the tradition's bad reputation stems from its association with other frowned-upon religious practices.

A Gallup poll from May 2005 showed that 92 percent of Americans believe that polygamy is morally wrong. Undoubtedly, this predisposition toward condemning polygamy comes from some very real abuses of the practice in the past.

"Polygamy is about power and control," said Vicky Prunty, the director of Tapestry Against Polygamy, a group of ex-polygamist wives that oppose the practice. "It's a breeding ground for abuse."

Prunty said that "Big Love" is not a wholly deceptive portrayal of polygamy, but the show only scratches the surface of the practice's downside.

"It's done under religious coercion," she said. "They gloss over that aspect."

While critics allege that plural marriage and abuse are naturally entwined, the cult-like religious atmosphere that often gives rise to both practices is a confounding factor in evaluating polygamy on its own grounds.

It could very well be the distorted religious views of many practicing polygamists that lead to the problems usually pinned on plural marriage. After all, monogamous relationships have the potential to run afoul and end up in abuse as well. Without religious coercion, polygamy might work for some people just as well as conventional marriage.

Mark Henkel is a national advocate for polygamy who strongly contests the connotations of abuse that it carries. Henkel believes the relatively peaceful brand of polygamy that "Big Love" portrays is not a myth, though it is hidden from view in our society due to the persisting illegality of the practice.

"People too often fall back on their stereotypes," Henkel said. "You cannot say that all polygamy is the same." As a Christian himself, Henkel rejects the abusive cult connotations of plural marriage, and insists that it can be beneficial for men and women alike.

A woman that wants to have a career, Henkel suggested, might be empowered by a polygamous relationship, because her kids can be taken care of by another trusted family member while she pursues a life away from the home.

As to the effects of the show, Henkel doubted its success in the long term, but saw hope for his own ends. "Being a polygamist family is boring," he said. "People will probably just become numb to it."

Maybe that's not a bad thing.

Although polygamy is unconventional and contrary to the moral fiber of most Americans, condemning it on its own grounds is a mistake. We should be condemning the religious zealotry and abuse that sometimes coincide with polygamy, and resist the temptation to just bundle them all together to discount an unfamiliar and uncomfortable idea.

Nick Mokey is a sophomore magazine journalism major. His columns appear in The Daily Orange every other week. Email him at ntmokey@syr.edu or post your comments on dailyorangeblog.com.
 
dailyorange.com
Originally published March 22, 2006
 
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