| 'Big Love' stirs a debate HBO show delves into issues of polygamy and the teachings of Joseph Smith | |||||
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By Gary Soulsman The News Journal - Delaware, Maryland | |||||
Most of us will never have three wives at one time. And judging by the way this situation is dramatized at 10 p.m. every Sunday, we're lucky souls. It's a good bet that most of the 3.5 million HBO subscribers who watch "Big Love" go to bed relieved that they are not the fictional Bill Hendrickson, living in a Salt Lake City suburb reminiscent of "Desperate Housewives." Hendrickson, played by Bill Paxton, is something of a desperate husband. With Hendrickson, you watch and wonder: Who could please three wives, run three households while worrying about breaking the laws against polygamy and frantically trying to keep his parents and in-laws from driving him insane? "Hearing about a man with three wives, you might think of him as a czar or the keeper of a harem," said Arthur Shostak, sociologist emeritus with Drexel University. "Witnessing the inner dynamics is another matter." The weekly show is a soap opera doing one of the things television does best -- giving viewers a look at a world they will never know. But it's a world Vicky Prunty, 42, of Salt Lake City, knows well -- she has lived with two similar families that practiced polygamy. "You really do feel sorry for a lot of polygamist men running around with so many expectations piled on their shoulders," Prunty says. Polygamists and former polygamists say that "Big Love" has made plural marriage interesting, opening the idea to the public in ways they never expected. And that's a good thing, they say, because 20,000 to 100,000 American families are in plural marriages. " 'Big Love' helps people understand some of this culture," said Anne Wilde, 70, of Salt Lake City, who lived happily in two polygamist marriages. Now that she's a widow, she volunteers with a group called Principle Voices that explains the virtues of plural marriage. Another person happy for the attention is Prunty. "Polygamy has been private for so long. It needs to make a public appearance," says Prunty, co-founder of Tapestry Against Polygamy, a nonprofit that helps women leave plural marriages. Not everyone agrees. Comedic filmmaker Gordon DelGiorno of Wilmington has HBO in his home -- but can't bring himself to watch "Big Love." "I find the whole idea appalling," he says. Local Mormons aren't interested either, says Flora McConkie, a spokeswoman for the local church. In Delaware, there are 4,118 members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and the show has not made much of a ripple. That's probably because few members have HBO or bother to watch, McConkie says. But the show's treatment of religion is a matter the national church has watched. That's because the polygamist religious teachings of Joseph Smith Jr., founder of the Mormon faith, are the foundation of the "Big Love" world. Yet the show hasn't explained the teachings that have brought Bill and his wives together, say Wilde and Prunty. In his role as 19th-century prophet, Smith returned his followers to the ways of Bible patriarchs -- men -- such as Esau, Jacob and Solomon -- who had multiple wives. Smith took many wives and said God showed him that the highest heavenly rewards are given to people who live a righteous life in plural marriage. The growth and power of the early movement threatened Americans, and Smith was dragged from a jail cell and killed by an Illinois mob in 1844. That he believed in plural marriage didn't help. Persecution and prosecution were an ordeal for followers, too, especially when it came to polygamy, says Wilde. So it's hardly any wonder that, 116 years ago, the Latter-day Saints renounced Smith's teaching on plural marriage, she says. Yet Smith continues to be regarded as a prophet of God by 12 million members of the Mormon church, as well as fundamentalists and independent followers. And therein lies a contradiction. Wilde was brought up in the Mormon church and found herself asking if Smith's teachings are prophesy, why not his teachings on polygamy? "I think it's the lifestyle of the gods and the way to become a god," says Wilde, who worked with husband Ogden Kraut on scores of religious books. "I believe that Jesus was married to more than one woman, too." Other Mormon members sometimes feel similarly led, though men and women, such as Wilde, face ex-communication if they take up plural marriage. To Wilde and Prunty, who care deeply about polygamy, the religious underpinning is so central to "Big Love" that they believe greater clarity should be given to this issue. So does the Mormon church. Leaders have complained that by setting the show in Salt Lake City, the international headquarters of the church, HBO is confusing viewers and reinforcing "old and long-outdated stereotypes" about the Mormon faith. "Big Love" shows "an unhealthy preoccupation with sex, coarse humor and foul language," according to a statement issued by the church. " 'Big Love,' like so much other television programming, is essentially lazy and indulgent entertainment that does nothing for our society." And Mormon leaders say they worry about reports of child and wife abuse in the polgamous families, adding that it will be a shame if the show minimizes such suffering. Yet because of the show, the Internet and the world of blogs are alive with debate. This is especially true for polygamists glad for the attention. Wilde points out that the book "Voices in Harmony" has 100 testimonials of women finding fulfillment in plural marriage. And some say it's time to decriminalize a victimless crime and explain the joys of compatible people offering each other friendship and love. On the blog Polygamy Now, a Seattle, Wash., husband makes the case that he and his two partners were drawn together by mutual interests and affection. "In our family, Karen and Lisa are the sisters that they've always wanted to have and be," writes Martin, who does not want to reveal his last name. He laments that no one seems happy on "Big Love." And he worries that the show sends a message that polygamy hurts. Actually it should send that message, according to those against the practice. "I've seen a lot of polygamist families, and none of them are happy," says Prunty. "Women are taught to suppress their emotions. Their glory in the next world comes from making their husbands happy in this one." In her view, it's time to shed light on women who long to leave plural marriages but can't break away with their children. Attention also needs to be paid to marital rape and incest that involves underage girls, Prunty says. She's glad that "Big Love" has shown a glimpse of that horror in the prophet Roman's taking of a young girl as his bride. "HBO is opening the door a crack for the United States to look at some of this," she says. "I just wish more of the darkness of women's experience could be shown." Contact Gary Soulsman at 324-2893 or gsoulsman@delawareonline.com. | |||||
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delawareonline.com Originally published May 6, 2006 | |||||
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